In what seemed to be an outburst of my disappointed soul, I ranted out loud on Saturday and explained to my wife how I was feeling regarding my faith. The following was what I told her.
I finally am able to articulate how my faith is at the moment. Let’s use a phone app as an anology. Going to church every Sunday is like receiving a weekly software update. Just like facebook updates with some new features and bug fixes, it nourishes the soul spiritually speaking.
I used to receive very good weekly updates and patches. Now, my brain no longer get good updates and it crashes.
And because I am human, I can choose not to depend on these updates anymore because why should there be a need for something that causes you to crash?
Besides, no one owes me anything and I owe no one anything when it comes to the spiritual realm. Nothing to expect and to be expected, really…
Perhaps, I need to seek for a better server somewhere else or find another app?
I do understand that no app is perfect but at least, I need an app that works…
I also sense that someone is praying hard for me to choose either.
And to that effect, I started thinking about the broader picture and because I was also in the midst of working on a solution for my work assignment, my thoughts were leaning towards how the computer world is.
The Operating System That Is Us.
Are you a Windows or a Linux?
We are all operating systems seeking to achieve interoperability in this world. We need to talk to each other and work together.
Unfortunate, we are all “flashed” differently through the many experiences, indoctrination, and introduction to different interpretation of religious beliefs.
Once a certain operating system has been imprinted, it is difficult to be reprogrammed. The damage has been done. We carry with us the flaws.
The other challenge is how we program the Operating Systems of our future generation today to operate better now and in the future.
So please forgive me for the way my operating system works as I too seek to understand how yours work in order for us to interoperate in this huge web of connected operating systems call the NETWORK…
After having all these thoughts, I finally decided to put the topic to rest and thought nothing of it for the rest of the Saturday. I was having all these thoughts because of how frustrated I was not being able to draw inspiration from the church I was attending and it was getting really mundane and meaningless.
Come Sunday morning, something just prompted me to get ready for church and the idea of visiting church further away came to mind.
As I started driving, a prompt came on my phone for an OS update. I thought nothing of it and proceeded to agree with installing the update. I allowed my phone to be updated while I drove myself to church.
“Why did you come to church this morning?”
I didn’t realize until mid way through mass that I thought about how my faith needed an “application update” and how we are all flawed operating systems. Turned out, God did not just wanted to update an app which can be piecemeal, He wanted to update my Operating System like my phone this morning.
The message cannot be any louder and it cannot be a coincidence. It is deafening throughout the mass.
The priest made the mass so beautiful and amazing as he took time explaining every part of the mass. I learned something new and I only wished my daughters and wife were here.
He started off his homily asking “Why did you come to church this morning? Is it obligation, guilt, or just to seek God?”
It was like God knocking on my heart.
Glad to receive this OS update.
For the few who knew about my struggle in the faith, I don’t know what you all did but I know for sure it was your prayers. I know you are all praying very hard for me and for that, thank you.
It was the best mass I’ve attended in my entire life so far.
In conclusion, I felt blessed to be able to recognize when the divine is reaching out to me by observing mindfulness. Also, when God speaks, He say it loud and clear. Literally…