Why Me?

I often ask myself “Why Me?” whenever faced with difficult situations. So much so that I started feeling sorry for myself and all I see is negativity all around me. I became immune to all the emotions both good and bad.

Over time, I lost all ability to recognize celebratory and winning moments because of the numbness from being immune to the emotions. I have gravitated too much towards protecting myself from feeling bad that even during moments when I should be happy and proud, I doubt and feel undeserving.

Then comes the social obligation of not letting your feelings show. An example would be that whenever something good has been accomplished and attained at the workplace, it is only wise not to show one’s happiness lest making the co-workers feel left out or inadequate. This has also became one of the reasons why I have not truly celebrated my achievements over the years.

It gets really tiring being like that and even people around me have noticed it. My therapist during one of our sessions asked me why do I put myself down so naturally and so consistently. Someone I work closely with once said to me, “I know the view up there is nice but it is time to stop crucifying yourself. Dig deep inside you because there is this small little selfish voice that says – I matter”.

So contrary to asking “Why Me?” whenever faced with adversity, I ought to be asking myself “Why Not Me?” during times of triumph and victory.

I really hope that I will be able to slow down and allow myself to recognize all the good in my life and taking the moment to be grateful. I would love to free myself from the guilt of rewarding myself emotionally.

I want to be able to give myself a pat on the back for the job well done. I want to be able to remind myself of the hard work and effort put into attaining the well deserved accomplishments. I want to be able to just pause in that moment of time and taking it all in – that particular sound, smell, and sight.

Because, it comes a point in life you just need to ask – Why Not Me?