Squirrel In My Brain!

A blink of an eye, it’s the end of January 2011. In this short span of time, I have learned so much in my work. There are some set backs as well.

Important things that I have learned in the past 3 weeks:

1. Perseverance

I need to keep working hard and keep going at it no matter to reach my destination

2. No regrets

I should leverage on all opportunities that present themselves and claim them before it is too late

3. There are always 2 sides of things

I should not be influence by others with their own agenda and perspectives. I am not them and they are not me.

4. Nothing comes easy

I need to work harder and reap what I sow later.

I really want to excel for year 2011 in everything that I do. I want to turn anything that I touch into gold so to speak.

For the past few days, I have been asking myself “why am I not enjoying my life?” and “what am I worrying about?”. And one of the themes of Pope John Paul II is “Be Not Afraid”. And someone told me that I need to be still. Yes, it really seemed like I have a squirrel in my brain because I am often pretty forgetful these days.

Although I no longer feel out of control as I did before, there are still many things that I need to deliver in order to be successful in year 2011. I also find myself doing better work wise late in the evening. But that takes a toll on my body as I feel really tired the next morning. How do I find this balance in my life I wonder.

Also, I have promised to be helpful at work but where should I draw the line when things are turning into spoon feeding?

I have my own stuff to do and I can’t be bogged down doing someone else’ job you see?

Thirty Is When Life Begins?

“…A house is not a home…” seemed to be a very familiar line in songs. How is that related to what I am going through right now? Each time I start on a new job, I tend to doubt the new company that I just joined. It is a very common situation especially when a person like me that has gone through some rough patches landing in jobs which are not suitable for me.

How should I move on from this petty sort of thinking? I am telling myself that as employees, we are given a room to work in. Take away the people, the room remains just as an empty room. So, however the room is, it doesn’t matter. The people in the room matters. Yes, a multinational company may have a very comfortable and cosy setup. But if the people in it prefer to be unprofessional, then a nice room does not make much of a difference if we want to enjoy our job.

What are we really going after in life and especially in our career? I believe that we put on a mask or facade in different places that we in at any particular point of time. Since the office is where we spend most of our time, our personality seemed to have changed completely. We loose ourselves sometimes.

I am constantly telling myself that I can change to accommodate just like a chameleon, but it doesn’t mean that I have lost who I am. Perhaps a few years back, I may completely change but I believe I know myself too well now that I will not be influence. But of course I need the strength to persevere.

Therefore, I am just telling myself, I am here to earn a living. Out of here, I am who I am…

If I come across someone who does things that are against my principle, I do not necessary have to condone or agree with him/her. I can always be myself having my own judgment and decision. I can still remain as the person with strong principles. I just have to handle things differently.

All in all, I am constantly telling myself not to take life that seriously. We at the end of the day, only have 1 life to live and we must live it to the fullest so that we do not look back and lament the “what ifs” and “should haves”.

How Bad Can It Get?

Did I mentioned that I finally got out of the unhappy place?

Oh well, like my usual self and being a worrier, I have a new set of doubts and problems now. I guess now the unhappy place lies within myself.

Yesterday started of weird because a taximan decided to pull his pants down and pee on the shoulder of the road. Really strange and absolutely caught me off guard because this sort of things does not happen in this century and time.

Then 2 disgruntle colleagues decided to pour out their concerns to me and it somehow influenced me quite a bit. That definitely set my bad mood into full swing. I started doubted everything from top to bottom.

Right now, I just do not know what should I be focusing anymore. And to top things off, I received a call and hearing my wife’s sullen voice, I knew something was wrong. True enough she told me that she got into a bad accident. I hate accidents not only because the money involved to get things repaired but also all the hassle that one needs to go through. We got fined too for being in the wrong in the accident.

Anyhow, I feel that I am always afraid. I need to start being bold and courageous. And that’s what I did, trying to be compose as I can and go home with a happy face. So with a wrecked car, we had to find alternative and settled for a relative’s car. And half way driving on the highway, we stalled on the fast lane. WOW! I just can’t believe my misfortune here!

And later at night, a neighbor came over and inform me that the pipe is broken. Oh darn! But luckily I have an adhoc plumber’s contact and he fixed it for me in 30 mins. I checked back with my relative on the car and it has got to be towed because the gears were all messed up.

When I chat with me friends this morning, one of them commented that most of what that happens to us here is due to the way the general management of the country is being done. The culture is of such that we are deprived of the basic needs that we need to trash it out to obtain them. Partly true I believe.

So how can I ignore what’s happening around me and press on for myself and for self betterment?

I get encouragements through these words:

  1. What can be the worst?
  2. Follow the flow (ikut rentak)
  3. You’re the pillar

I am constantly finding inspiration in life. While sitting in the office yesterday, I cannot help but to feel that people around me are always for themselves. That makes me wonder why I even bother to be self less. Should I sell my soul to material things? How do I not sell my soul to the world but at the same time live in harmony with it.

These are the questions I need to get answer for and especially how do I handle people that I am not comfortable with. Good thing is, I have space for myself at work today. Hoping to get some things done and move on in my career.

Have a nice day to you my little journal…