Expectations

I am revisiting the topic of men straying again. Well, just a thought that came to my mind. One of my pet peeves is to come home from a hard day’s work to see long faces of dissatisfaction. Today was one of such instances. I totally hated it.

I realized that for many years now that I am forced to live with a woman’s emotion when I am a man. I have been living my life trying to please people around me and especially to live up to the emotional expectations of women, come to think about it, men and women alike. I find it really difficult to act within the boundaries of some one else’s expectations. Very difficult as I am the type that loves to be myself. Say whatever I like and do whatever I like.

And because of the disappointment today, I have written that some of us may have forgotten that hard work is compulsory to achieve or obtain what we want in life. I have in fact found happiness working hard for something that I would like to sustain in my life. But I am penalized for doing that just because someone else have not found something of her own. Thus, all the excuses that are breath down my neck. Or should I say that I am accused of having all the excuses. That I am running away from my responsibilities. HECK, a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. Don’t make a man do woman stuff, in short.

That is really going against the tide…

Touched

A couple of weeks back I decided to tender my resignation with my current company. I just do not feel that I am at the right place and everything is just not as how I expected. Making the decision was definitely a very difficult one considering all the bombardments my mind was subjected to. The issues of comfort zone and financial situations are among those things that caused a havoc deep inside of me. I attended mass that day like the usual but it was such an emotional one. I felt God touching me through the words of the hymnals sung. At certain point, I was trying to hold back tears. The feeling of relief that the decision has been made and decided upon has taken away all the agony I have inflicted upon myself.

Today for whatever reason, I felt a little emotional as well. I was alone at church and for the longest time, today it was full concentration without the cares of my daughter climbing up and down the pew. It has been a while since the last time I felt re-energized soulfully and spiritually.

Today Jesus was challenged by the Sadducee whose wife will the woman be if she has been married to all 7 brothers. I guess, men on earth imposes too much rule on themselves and in God’s eyes, it is totally different. We look towards better days ahead.

God is real and He provides, forever…

A Pact For Myself

2010 is a number I would like to forget forever. I just can’t recall anything good that happened except the birth of my 2nd child back in May. It was a worrisome year for me because the pressure was overwhelming. The changes were drastic. Many bridges burnt as well.

Though it is only November now, I am already pretty excited to greet 2011. My resolution for 2011 is very simple. I pray for 3 things – focus, patience and perseverance.

Focus – I must deliver all that is needed of me in my daily work. Break down my objectives on a daily basis – achievements and goals i.e. value contributed per day.

Patience – The reward will be great at the end of the year. With focus, I must have patience to endure through positive thinking.

Perseverance – I must keep on working on my limitations and improve myself on a daily basis. To look at things not only at immediate view but long term as well.

As for now, I am just praying for strength to endure all difficulties that the end of 2010 may bring…

The Unsynchronized World

I am sure everyone of us in certain part of our lives has felt the feeling of going against the water current. If we have had the experience of visiting the beach, I am sure that feeling the waves is a common experience. At the very moment, it is an uphill battle for myself. I feel a great detachment and gap between my soul and all that surrounds me. I just feel that I am totally out of my element and out of place altogether. And a simply question left unanswered – “What is the point?”.

To be honest, I do not really know the answer but, I believe the reason I took up this job in the first place was to silent the part of me that worries about the many areas of security for my family and myself. Although it didn’t feel quite right during the interview, I told myself that it is worth a try. Furthermore, with the many encouragements given to me and the assurance that everything will turn out well, I was excited to take up the new challenge.

Well, today it did not go quite well. As I am writing this, I remember a book I once read entitled “The Seat Of The Soul” by Gary Zukav. I have forgotten all that was written but I believe he was writing about how to feed our soul the right stuff in all that we do in our lives. I am currently reading a book entitled “Think and Make It Happen” by Dr. Augusto Cury. With all the unfavorable situations happening, I must admit that I have loose sight of God. The moment I picked up this book, I felt that God was indeed trying to tell me something. Out of the thousands of books, there must be a reason why I pick this up and as I read the summary, the word Jesus just outshines the rest. It is quite a technical book that needs a lot of concentration to fully understand, I am ashamed to say that it is quite sedating at the moment.

Anyway, back to the topic that I first set out to write about. Yes, I get distracted these days, lost all self-esteem and confidence. A higher being would not blame the environment for the unfortunate situation but yes, I have placed myself in a place which is totally not in sync with my being. But it is true, each bad career experience does pull you back a thousand steps.

My perspectives of this world at this moment is that, most of us are very pretentious. Though we do not like something, we will just go with the flow and act as if we do. Hold on, did I say go with the flow? I mean go against the flow of our conscience, our beliefs and principles – JUST TO FIT IN and possibly not to be sidelined or penalized. It has been proven that majority does not necessary equates to correctness. Human decisions can be affected by many aspects and emotions being one of them.

My point really is, I believe in the vibration of life. We love to call this VIBE. It is common for us to say that we could sense the bad vibe goind around sometimes. What about this vibe? Just imagine the 6,697,254,041 people in this world doing something that they totally dislike. Say YES when it is suppose to be NO. Right the wrongs and accepting the wrongs as rights. The earth might as well turn the opposite direction. I believe that can happen.

Let’s take for example the economy of the world. Before the economy crashed recently, wasn’t there so much talk about bad economy? Yes, we’re talking about the law of attraction and all that has been written by The Secret (Rhonda Byrne). I know we can wish for anything from the universe but we are not meant to go against the universe.

I realised that is what I have done. I have go against the tides of my own soul. I need to rectify it. The saddest part, I remain out of sync and will be for the next 1.5 months.

Lord Jesus, I pray for strength!